Naruto's Party
by Sery
Summary: ONESHOT So now and then he bent his head down next to the girl’s ear whispering something and eliciting soft giggles from the kunoichi. Even those soft and almost inaudible moans were carried through the air to me [Kakasaku] [Sasusaku]


AN: I wish everyone a merry Christmas  
I didn't have the time to reread it, sorry for the mistakes!

Warning: lemon at the end of the story, though it's not explicit.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or the song I wanna know by Joe

* * *

Naruto's Party

His strong arms were loosely encircling her waist. His toned muscles were shining in the sunlight. So now and then he bent his head down next to the girl's ear whispering something and eliciting soft giggles from the kunoichi. And sometimes he'd gave her ear a lick and soft bites.

Even those soft and almost inaudible moans were carried through the air to me. It made me feel quite uncomfortable that though I was sitting a good distance away from the couple to hear their private talk. To my dismay I felt even jealous.

Why should I be?

I banished the question out of my head and tried for the umpteenth time this evening to concentrate in vain on the newest volume of the Icha Icha Paradise. I didn't see the couple in the book but instead of them Sakura and Sasuke.

Damn, why was it so hard to be in their proximity?

To see them together and feeling their presence as they were together. It was strangely unbearable. But then, this was like what I'd wanted it to be. I myself was responsible to bring me in this state and Sakura in Sasuke's arms. Not mine.

No one knew I was watching them as my head was buried in my pocketbook. I knew they all thought I was just a pervert as my head was still bent over a book while everyone else was partying here. But they didn't know that I was sitting with my porn book leaning against a tree trying desperately to distract myself from a beautiful girl and her boyfriend.

How funny, I'd never imagined I'd be sitting here like this watching her dance with Sasuke. I sighed inaudibly as I couldn't concentrate on the story. Well, I could try to concentrate on other people than. I lifted my head up to see Anko waving at me beckoning with her hand to come over and dance. As soon as my gaze travelled away from her I regretted it straightaway and found this a very bad idea as my attention flowed back to the couple who were being intimate at the very moment my eye fell again on them. It made my heart ache.

I was vaguely aware of hearing Naruto's voice coming above all the other sounds like the music. Naruto had brought two big loudspeakers while Shino had arranged for the music. I was glad that the volume of the music was kept low though Naruto had been against it and even had a short quarrel with Gai. But now you didn't have to yell twice before the other would finally understand you.

Then again, maybe a bit – no, a lot louder music would've been better as I wouldn't be able than to hear their soft talking. I was glad as I suddenly caught Genma approaching me. Would he be able to keep me distracted from them and my thoughts?

I lifted my hand up as a greet while I kept my head in the book. Silently he sank down next to me with his back leaning against the same tree where I was currently leaning on too. I waited for him to start impatiently before my attention would get back to Sakura.

"Yo, Kakashi."

Sakura's voice reached my ears at the same time Genma spoke to me

"Sasuke… you're being mean now!"

I heard Genma's voice again intruding Sasuke's answer. I remained silent again.

"Are you gonna sit here for the rest of the evening until midnight reading that dirty book of yours?"

He folded his arms behind his head and I saw his gaze travel over the crowd in front of us.

"There are plenty girls and women out here. Why don't you pick up someone?"

Strangely the thought irked me though I'd done it for years.

"Please, stop Sasuke-kun! I – ahh! Ok, ok, you win, I give –"

"Hey," Genma nudged my arm. "Are you listening or –"

"Yes, I am," I cut him short his presence suddenly irritating me as I wanted to hear what Sasuke was saying to her.

"Hmm, where do you wanna go, Sakura? Somewhere where we won't get disturbed…"

"I don't know," was her soft and shy reply. A quiet giggle followed.

I was sure I had never seen her happy like this before since Sasuke had left the village four years ago when she'd been only thirteen years old. This was better for her and me; I was probably destined to be alone.

"Kakashi! I think I'm talking to a rock! Hmpf, want I do this guy a favour and he…"

"Which favour?" I asked distractedly.

"Oh, but well, you aren't interested anyway. So…" he continued mysteriously glancing out of the corners of his eye at me. His brows were raised up highly waiting for my reply.

"Ino, have you seen Naruto?"

"No, Sakura… why, you aren't leaving are you?"

"No… not yet. I just wanted to thank him for this wonderful eveing."

Ino laughed loudly. Really, girls laugh just too much. And giggling… no stopping to it. I sighed and ignored Genma's surprised countenance.

"I think you should thank Sasuke!" Ino replied gaily.

It was beyond my control to restrain myself from looking up searching with my lone eye for the pink hair.

I saw her standing next to the small river blushing a crimson red. Really, blushing made Sakura look even more beautiful. The short, tight, silver dress she was wearing fitted all curves of her smooth body perfectly, like a second skin. The colour suited her, I thought. I'd never seen her wearing clothes of this colour before but she was looking dashing and glamorous in it. She should wear that colour more frequently. The bright silver dress caught everyone's attention. Unfortunately mine too.

Genma was starting to get impatient now as I didn't acknowledge his presence. I could hear it as he was chewing on a senbon between his teeth making louder noises than usually.

I knew I should've known better than to fall for my student. My ex-student, I corrected myself inwardly. At the moment these strange feelings had arisen I hadn't even fully realized it what they were. I leaned my head back against the stem of the tree looking up at the sky that was slowly turning darker. I ignored Genma's gaze as I recalled the moment I'd finally understood why I felt so strongly for her and had feelings that were definitely more than merely a student-teacher-relationship.

_I looked down at the young man who'd been once he was younger my student. A student of whom I'd thought I knew him, because I'd trained him for so long and spent so much time with him. And I'd faith in him that he wouldn't choose the wrong path and go against his friends and the whole village. _

_But he'd proved me to be wrong. _

_Wrong about my predictions and expectations by fighting Naruto and leaving Konoha. _

_And it had hurt, because he'd been my student for one full year. I'd trained him personally but even then I hadn't been able to change his mind and he remained aiming on revenge for his clan, the Uchiha-clan. _

_I lifted my head up and looked at the young girl standing at the other side of the hospital bed. Her eyes were puffy and red; she'd been shedding tears for the last survivor of the Uchiha-clan since he'd left. And now that he was back she couldn't do anything else. But there was a difference now in her; she'd changed a lot since Sasuke had left three years ago. _

_As a sixteen-years-old girl she'd more knowledge and wisdom than any other girls of her age would have. Sakura, the little girl had matured into a beautiful, young woman. The difference between that twelve-years-old girl and the now young woman standing there in the hospital room was huge but I knew her heart and her feelings for the Uchiha had never changed. _

_Droplets of tears were reaching her jaws again, threatening to fall. As I watched her crying there in silence I felt my chest tighten. I was not sure whether it was from the pain of seeing her broken like this or something else. As many other times like I had done in the past couple of years I wanted again to reach my gloved hand out to her brushing her tears away with the tips of my bare fingers and say reassuring words to her. _

_But before I'd even lifted my arm up the man stirred in the comfy bed. I could feel the tenseness in the room rise as all eyes in the room were like glued to Sasuke, breathing hold back as they waited for the patient to open his eyes. _

_Naruto, standing next to Sakura was holding the ledge of the hospital so hard that his knuckles had turned white. The Hokage, Ino, Shikamaru, Lee, Chouji, Neji, Hinata, almost everyone who'd known Sasuke a little was there. And I. _

_Gradually the Uchiha opened his eyes. They skimmed the room; eyes gliding over the faces before they reached Naruto's face, lingering there for a moment before moving to Sakura's one. When he grabbed her hand that had been lying close to his, I felt a strange twinge of… what? _

_As I was lost in my own musings I vaguely caught a voice uttering a sorry. First to Sakura and Naruto and to then to the rest of the group of people before he slipped into unconsciousness again. _

_After Tsunade had left the room I seized the opportunity to excuse myself and leave the room, with Genma at my heels. No one seemed to be bothered about my leave, but why did I care? Their minds were too occupied with Sasuke's sudden comeback. _

_Why I wasn't happy – couldn't be happy about his return I couldn't tell at that moment. I knew I should've been happy. I was the one after all who'd set up the whole mission and took the lead to bring back Sasuke with a large group including Naruto, Neji and Sai. Simply because I couldn't bear it any longer to see Sakura suffering, crying. _

_"Man, I'm tired. I really need some sleep," Genma yawned in my ear. _

_He fell silent as we walked out the hospital and he cast me a sideways glance when I didn't reply. _

_"Is it me and my imagination or aren't you happy that Sasuke is finally back?" _

_"You know I hate hospitals," I answered distractedly. _

_He studied my face for a long moment before he opened his devious mouth again. I could tell by the strange twinkling in his eyes that he was up to no good. _

_"You know, now that Sasuke is back Sakura will be spending a lot of time with him." When I didn't reply he said as nonchalantly as possible. "And less with you." _

_My face or stance gave away nothing as I halted in my tracks simply because right then I thought there wasn't anything wrong with me – no, that there shouldn't be anything wrong. _

_"I promised to train with my students today, I think I should go now; I'm already late." _

_Genma rolled his eyes, smirking at my laziness. _

_"You're always late, Hatake. Well, have fun with your training." _

_With that he waved me off heading to the direction of his house. I stood there for a long time, considering, while I was leaning against the wall of a building. I'd no idea why I'd stopped here, but a few hours later I knew as I could feel her presence coming near me, in my direction. She had an apartment in the building where I was currently leaning on to. _

_Sakura stopped in front of me, questioning eyes roaming over my masked face for an answer but probably didn't get one as she stared at me and then sighed. _

_It was right then, after hearing her soft sigh, that I realized why it had hurt so much that she'd not given me more than a single, quick glance in my direction since Sasuke had arrived in Konoha in a critical condition. Why the realization had hit me, hurt me so badly that Sasuke was even now the most important for her. Right then I found out what had developed in me for her through the years Sasuke was away and we'd spent a lot of time together in training, sparring, even sharing our feelings and holding her. _

_Affection. _

_"I'm so happy he is back." _

_Need. _

_"Me too," I sighed, not sounding too convincing, but Sakura was too lost in her thought to notice it. _

_Want. _

_"And this is all thanks to you, Sensei." _

_Love? _

_Her lower lip trembled as she looked away from me. _

_"Thanks for always being there." _

_Love… _

_She murmured so softly I hardly heard it. I only had to reach out to touch her, it was tempting me, I had done it for so long… but the advent of Sasuke had created that distance, that line again I knew I couldn't cross. _

_"I'm just happy for you." _

I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy for her, because I was, and would always be for her. I still remembered those moments I'd hold her in my strong arms, offering her comfort and reassurance. And I still cared for her. And I still couldn't get her out of my mind. She meant too much for me. Just too much to let her go so easily. And even so I let her go.

"Hello, Kakashi??? Kakashi on earth. Are you still in there?"

"I am," I sighed.

"Kami, this is not like you…" Genma trailed off as he tilted his head studying me. "Isn't it…"

I felt my body tense, the fingers holding the pocketbook now clutched it before I relaxed again as I heard him grumble mockingly.

"The great Hatake Kakashi is in love… with Anko…"

"Nope," I said as I flipped a page though not reading, just pretending.

Since the beginning of the party I'd only waved at Sakura when her eyes had caught mine. Just a brief eye-contact and nothing more. She was too busy with Sasuke, I'd told me myself and not bothered to walk over to my ex-students. But the truth was that I tried to deny her as much as I could. I'd no idea what would hurt more, to just watch her like this from a distance or be near her and suffer from the fact that their feelings weren't mutual for each other. Not any more.

How many times had I tried to ban these feelings and her from my heart and how many times had I considered to tell it her and face every blame, every reproach she would throw at me. But out of fear of losing her, a good friend, I'd never let her know my heart's deepest secret.

"Sasuke and Sakura make a good couple, don't you think that too?"

I couldn't detect a hint of amusement or ironic in his voice as he made this statement, nor could I find any traces of mockery on his handsome face. It was hard to believe that he was meaning it.

I looked up again the unmistakeable pink hair not easy to lose sight of. As I watched them his words downed on me, he was right. They were well-matched. No doubt was left about that as I watched them dancing swiftly among others. And that was just another fact that struck me, that told me that we never could be together and how wrong I was by thinking of her in that way.

"Destined for each other," I murmured unconvincingly and even a little disheartened.

How many times had I really loved a girl this much, from the deepest of my heart, for such a long time? No one else but Sakura. Yes, I'd loved Rin, but had never been so attached to her like I was now to Sakura.

To love someone was simple, but to forget the one you loved was far from simple.

I'd forget momentarily about Genma and turned my head a little to my side to see him staring at the crowd of dancing people, probably lost in his own thoughts.

"Don't you get tired of all these missions? We're getting lately so many missions that we've hardly any time left for ourselves," he spoke suddenly his thoughts aloud. It was then by this statement that I saw the dark rings under his eyes.

"Konoha needs the money in this harsh time after the war," I stated simply, not telling him the truth that these missions only were keeping me together and gave me distraction to not think about Sakura and my own misery. The missions gave me the reason to live, to fight for Konoha.

"Don't be late again tomorrow for the mission," Genma sighed knowing that it would make no difference whether it was told me or not. I would always come late. "Or Tsunade is gonna kick your ass," he added jokingly as he bent over to give my upper arm a soft kick with his fist.

I chuckled softly as my eyes still followed the pink hair constantly. Never getting tired of seeing her.

"And, have you already made an arrangement for tonight?"

Genma smirked blatantly understanding that with 'an arrangement' I was hinting to a girl or woman.

"Plenty of girls, Kakashi, plenty. Go pick someone out. Who knows we won't be able to come back," he added with a smile.

I vaguely remembered that this conversation had already took place somewhere in the past. I peered at the beautiful in silver dressed girl as I suddenly recalled that moment.

_We were standing there in front of the gates of Konoha: I, Naruto, Genma, Neji, and Shikamaru to go together on a mission led by me. We'd planned to travel to the Fire Country where supposedly Sasuke was hiding after having fought against Orochimaru, though no one had won eventually. Sasuke had travelled to the Fire Country because Itachi had been seen recently there. _

_We all knew that we'd to find Sasuke before Itachi would get a hold of him because the chances were too little that Sasuke would survive after having confronted his older brother. _

_And we knew that Sasuke wouldn't give up till his death and that Itachi was still too strong for the raven haired young man. _

_"It's about time we should leave, Kakashi-san," Neji spoke in a lax voice. _

_"How troublesome," Shikamaru muttered who was standing next to me." _

_"Yeah," I sighed as I felt her chakra approaching us. _

_I turned my back to the gates, hands in pockets, body slumped, and I watched Sakura running towards us, visibly out of breath. Her teary eyes wherein the hope was welling up stared at our faces as she stopped a few meters in front of us. They rested on Naruto's and he nodded almost unnoticeably back at her, trying to reassure her and maybe even himself that everything was going to be okay, before her eyes were locked on my face. Her eyes pleaded me to take her along, but I couldn't. Not for her safety and it was Tsunade's order. It was not like I couldn't break the Hokage's order for one of my ex-students, but simply because I couldn't see Sakura crying. No one knew in which condition we would find Sasuke: bad or worse. _

_"Please, Sensei, I want to go with you all," her voice cracked but her eyes still held the resolve. _

_I glanced at Shikamaru who was looking really troubled by her appearance. _

_"Sakura, you know we can't take you with us." _

_"I can heal," she exclaimed through my words. _

_I sighed as I moved to her and laid my hand on her stiffened shoulder. _

_"We'll bring Sasuke back, Sakura." _

_Her eyes were staring into my lone eye searching for something I didn't know. _

_"I promise," I said softly. _

_"But if you wouldn't come back…" her voice trailed off as she looked away. _

_"We will." _

_I said it with so much determination to my own surprise and Sakura's head shot up to let me see the bewildered look in her beautiful, jade eyes. I smiled at her and gave her shoulder a little squeeze. Instead of patting her fondly on her head, like I had done so many times in the past, instead of that I bent my head to kiss her forehead._

_  
I was astonished about my own action, kissing her without thinking, but when I pulled away to look at her she smiled softly at me back. With new strength I'd suddenly achieved by her innocent smile, we turned to leave. One last time I turned to her, seeing her leaning against the gate as she watched us leave. _

_"We will," I heard myself utter again. _

Genma grew silent after a short time as my eyes followed Sakura like they were glued on her.

"She's calling me."

"Who?" I asked without looking up as I turned another page.

"She… my date for tonight," he replied hastily and impatiently.

"Ah."

Genma stood up and waved at a black haired young woman dressed in a short red dress who was standing among the people with a few other girls.

"Won't you wish me?" Genma asked a little offended.

"Have fun," I said tonelessly.

The sky became darker and the people more drunk. I decided to get myself a drink. It took me at least a half an hour to arrive at the stand where you could get some drink. The stand was only a few steps away from the tree where I'd been leaning against, but people seemed to come out of nowhere as the crept behind me to make a 'short' chat.

Relieved that I'd finally managed to get rid of them I gulped glass sake down. The woman behind the bar looked interested at me; I smiled at her, though she would only know that I was smiling by the cringe under my eye. I guess that was just she sign she'd been waiting and started immediately a conversation. She persecuted me with her questions.

"You're the Copy Nin, right?"

"Hn."

She threw her blond tresses back over her shoulder with a jerk of her head and stared through her mascara overloaded eyelashes at me.

"Why aren't you looking happy? They were your students who gave this party."

"I'm happy," I said with a bored tone as I turned my back to her, staring out at the crowd while holding a glass of sake.

I emptied my second glass, the taste of sake lingering on my tongue. When I didn't turn to seize a third glass I felt her fingers tapping my shoulder.

"Here," she said softly looking up at me with bright, blue eyes and handed me another glass filled to the brim.

I stared at her as I suddenly recalled Genma's advice again.

_"Plenty of girls, Kakashi, plenty. Go pick someone out. Who knows we won't be able to come back." _

Since I'd finally realised what I felt for Sakura I hadn't been with another woman. Maybe if I would spend a little time with other women I might forget her. Might. I saw her opening her mouth to say something but before she could utter a word another voice interrupted us, gaining our attention.

"Hey, party people, may I have your attention please!"

The music had stopped I noticed and turned around to see Naruto with an unmistakable grin on his face. He was holding a microphone in his hand and standing among the people who'd been dancing before he interrupted their dance and chat.

He'd changed his normal orange pants and orange vest with his black shirt for a dashing blue shirt with black denims. He was looking around in the crowd as if searching for someone.

"Dear, lovely people –"

I vaguely wondered if he was drunk hearing his odd choice of words as I caught eye of the pink hair again.

"I want to tell you all something very _special_," he paused keeping the crowd in suspense and anticipation.

I saw her talking with Ino, but Sasuke was nowhere to be seen in her approach, much to my relief. I stared down at the drink in my glass, listening to what Naruto had to say.

"I want to announce that…" he let deliberately fall a long pause again.

My heart was hammering in anticipation. I knew he was going to say something wrong.

Something really wrong.

"… that today is taking Sasuke's and Sakura's engagement place, now!" he cheered.

The crowd began to shout with joy that drowned out the breaking of glass. I cursed under my breath as the splinters fell down on the grass, drop of blood dripping from my fingers down, too. I was the surprised and joy on her face as she made her way to Naruto shyly, unsure what to say, what to do. On the other side of Naruto suddenly Sasuke emerged watching his going-to-be-fiancée. I saw her having difficulty understanding that this was really happening; her dream was going to be filled mostly.

A strange sort of pain was taking over my senses, pain I'd felt early this night too but not so severe as this one. It was even blocking out the pain in my bleeding fingers.

I had known for a long time that this would happen eventually, but I'd never expected it to happen this soon. So suddenly out of nowhere. Everyone was caught by surprise and was happy for the two.

Everyone, even me.

I turned, smiled at the woman who was looking suspiciously at me through the blonde locks of her pony. I gulped one after another glass of sake down and lost count of the number of glasses. Vaguely I heard the music again, the rings were put on their fingers, laughter of people, gratulations to the couple were made and the blushing of Sakura.

I watched them, leaning against the stand, feelings muted. Alcohol could be good friend when others left you in your hurt state. I knew I would get a horrible headache in the morning and would feel terribly sick, but didn't care as the pain was overwhelming.

Love hurt sometimes, I sighed to myself. No, love hurts always. Maybe that's why I'd never loved anyone before.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

I heard the woman with the blonde hair ask me casually.

"Not yet," I murmured, my eyes keeping carefully notice of every smile, every small movement of Sakura's lips or body.

"Good," she whispered to herself maybe a little too hard and too confindently.

She was probably leaning forward on the table towards me as I could feel her breathing in my neck.  
"So, why don't we –"

"Kakashi!"

To my amusement I found myself being the centre of attention of two woman – and the one I wanted wasn't interested in me at all in that way.

Anko eyed me from top to toe.

"You're looking very happy about your students' engagement, I guess," she indicated to the empty, fallen glasses on the table.

I noticed that the breathing wasn't there anymore in my neck to my relief. When I turned my head a little I saw the woman glaring at Anko.

'Much better.'

"Ah, well, you could say so," I scratched my head smiling excused to the dark haired woman in front of me, suddenly pondering how many glasses of I'd have already. Over her shoulder I suddenly caught eye of pink again.

'I have to stop thinking about her…'

"So… what's up?" Anko asked casually nudging my shoulder as she stepped forward to stand to my side. She picked a drink up.

"Nothing special," I drawled my eyes fixed on Sakura's back where Sasuke's arms were holding her.

"Busy t'night?" She took a sip form her glass and leaned almost unnoticeably closer against me.

"It could get," I spoke huskily as I had one thing going on in my mind: I'd to get her out of my mind.

I was desperately clinging to Anko's body, wanting to drown myself in her voice, her eyes, her body and warmth… though she had no idea of my desperation. But that was only better for me, for her and for Sakura…

"You know," Anko uttered after emptying two glasses. "When I was young, around fifteen – sixteen, I always dreamt that there would be someone who would love me, be always with me, cherish me, cheer me up when I cry or am hurt – my ideal prince." She looked up at me, her eyes shimmering. "But ninja's don't have that sort of life, nah?"

I guess it was the mixture of the alcohol running through my veins and her watery eyes that made me make the next decision. Sakura's face flashed for a moment before my eyes as I seized Anko by her wrist – without having considered exactly was I was going to do – and had her pulled into the crowd of dancing people.

I heard a soft 'yelp' escape her lips as I tugged her by her arm. In the middle of the people I stopped turning back to her. I felt a little dizzy but ignored it as I focused on Anko. Her surprised eyes made me even more confident about what I was doing – and was about to do.

I'd never danced before nor had I ever taken note on how others danced, but I danced with her.

A drunken smile was on my face – hidden for other eyes by my mask – as I let my hands linger on parts of her body that were the most intimate and caused her to blush. Her breathing was uneven as I ground my hips against her back. Her hands came out to hold me by my thighs tighter against her, digging her fingers in my body.

I forget briefly about Sakura.

A sudden urge had taken my senses over – my body was urging me to claim her body as mine. I couldn't have the one _I_ loved but I could enjoy a few moments with the one who loved _me_. My fingers were gradually caressing the skin of her neck, moving her dark locks away. I inhaled her scent finding it a sweet mixture of sand and wild, while Sakura's scent was more like the mixture of cherries, strawberries and innocence.

My eyes shot wide open as I felt Sakura's presence near me.

How could I've been so stupid?

So terribly stupid to just drag Anko – the first woman I could find to take my frustration off – in the middle of the dancing people to be only closer to Sakura.

My body stopped moving as I stood there in agony, keeping Anko's body still with my arms, her body pressed against mine. My heart was hammering in my chest and I swallowed, hard, before leading her to the stand again – away from Sakura.

I swore I could feel her eyes boring holes in my back. Damn the alcohol that had made me do this without considering. The feeling, the rush of sensations I'd felt while Anko pressing against my body, my hands holding her – were gone abruptly. I felt her body tense as I halted, but relaxed again when I whispered: "Come," in her ear. I let go of her waist as we arrived at our destination.

Anko turned to face me, but my mind was too distracted to notice the seductive and surprised look she was giving me.

"You know," she began in a low voice taking a step towards me. She reached out with her arm, tracing with a single finger from my jaw to my masked chin, gaining my attention. "…you always take me by surprise," she smiled softly her eyes with affection wandering over my face. "You are so unpredictable, maybe that is the reason why I like you so much."

I realised with a shock that I was just playing with her feelings. Just because of…

Sakura.

She was behind me. I'd hoped not to confront her for a long time, suspending it every time. Though I knew I'd to face her eventually.

As if Anko knew what was going on in my mind – or maybe it was just the sight of Sakura standing next to me.

"I'll be right back, Kakashi, there's something I've to care of."

I saw her eyes moving over to look over my shoulder before focusing back on my face. Sakura was definitely the reason.

"Have to settle some things with Tsunade-sama."

Then she was gone, swallowed in the crowd, leaving me alone with Sakura. I wanted to ignore her.

"Kakashi-sensei."

Her voice sounded hurt, as did her eyes and face reflect as I faced her. It made me feel bad. But I smiled at her, stance as relaxed as possible.

"Sakura –"

"So you remember my name? I was afraid you'd forget it," she spoke accusingly pouting her lips childishly. She was upset and I felt sorry because I was the one who'd made her upset.

"Of course I do. How could I forget your name? You were my favourite student," I said lightly.

It was another thing that I wanted to forget… forget the feelings that had been induced in me for Sakura.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?" I asked like I'd no idea about what she talking, though I knew it damn well.

"Stop ignoring me."

"I'm busy lately and –"

"I don't want to hear your lame excuses," she said, eyes blazing fire, then continued softer. "What did I do wrong?"

'Loving the wrong guy, or no. Forcing me to love you by your innocent smiles and the development of your body into a beautiful woman.'

"What did we do that you won't even congratulate me and Sasuke with our engagement?"

I scratched the back of my head indicating a sort of apology and feeling some relief that I hadn't lost a good friend yet because what I felt was wrong. Sakura looked at her side, bending her head a little to the left. I understood that that meant she hadn't accepted my apology.

"You should've been the second one who felicitated us after Naruto."

"I guess," I heard myself mutter.

A little too late I realized that that had been a bad – the worst choice of words. Sakura looked up at me with such fierceness in her eyes that she could hit me any moment and knock me off my feet. But she restrained herself and whispered harshly instead.

"I didn't believe it, Kakashi, but now I believe what others say about you. You're a heartless monster. You don't care a little about anyone. Not even your ex-students."

She turned on her heel, letting me catch a glimpse of the shimmering in her eye and hearing her whisper to herself.

"I'm such a fool."

Before she'd a chance to take a step away from me, I seized her by her wrist pulling her back to me, eliciting a gasp from her pink lips. I let a small distance remain between my chest and her back, barely letting them brush against each other. Unconsciously I inhaled her scent that I'd missed for so long and looked down at the pink hair.

I looked around to see if people were watching us, but no one was paying much attention to them. The girl who'd been standing behind the stand had disappeared when Anko arrived. Sasuke and Naruto were nowhere to be seen.

I bent my head a little to her ear, feeling her body tense as my breath fanned out of her bare shoulder. I was still holding her wrist not letting her turn around, because I'd no idea of what I would've done if she was facing me or what she would've done.

I took a deep breath in trying to calm my senses before I spoke.

"If I was such a heartless monster, Sakura-_chan_, I would never have brought Sasuke back. Nor would I've ever hold you when you –"

'– cried.'

I abruptly let go of her wrist and took a step back as if I'd been bitten or.

I didn't want to recall those nights.

And still I did.

_I saw her training with Tsunade feeling a tingle of jealously that Tsunade was her sensei now, but I was proud too that Sakura was learning hard. She'd become better than I'd ever expected from her. _

_I reported by the Hokage that I was done with my mission. Tsunade seemed to be pleased by seeing me. That didn't happen often. _

_"Kakashi! Good that you've arrived." I handed her my piece of paper that was my short report, but she didn't look in it. "You'll have to help Sakura with her training. I'm going to Suna for a week. Shizune will take care of my work here. I don't want Sakura's training to be neglected in my absence, so you'll have to take care of that." _

_She stood up from her luxurious wheelchair making clear that I'd no choice but to do it. _

_I didn't really mind. I would tell Sakura to just train and give her a scroll or let her train while I would be asleep or reading my dirty pocketbooks. _

_So we went to training ground three, where team seven had always trained. I made myself comfortable against a tree, but then realized that Sakura was still standing there at the edge of ground three._

_First I thought she was testing my patience or wasn't in the mood to train, but when I looked up I saw in the sun something glistening on her cheeks. _

_"Sakura…?" _

_For a long time I hadn't seen her cry. Predominantly because I was often out of Konoha and couldn't see her often. Since the start of our team I'd always protected her and had never been able to see her cry. Nor was I now able to see her broken like this. Her gaze met mine as her name escaped my lips. _

_"I haven't been here for a long time. Not since…" _

_Her voice creaked and I heard her inhale sharply only causing to fall more tears down. I couldn't see her like this. My Icha Icha Paradise lay forgotten on the grass as I walked over to her. Uncertain and watery eyes met mine. _

_"Sst, it's okay, Sakura," I tried to reassure her giving her shoulder a soft squeeze with my right hand. _

_Her head fell forward to rest on his chest. "You promised me that everything would be alright. Naruto…" her shoulders shook with each intake of breath. _

_My vest was becoming wet of her tears but instead of pulling her back I let my arms encircle her small body. _

_"I want to forget him, I really –" she broke off with another sob as I gingerly let my arms hold her. _

_A strange rush of sensations took my senses over but before I could grasp what it was, it was gone. I knew for sure that it was nothing like lust but more like… affection, the need to protect her from everything. _

_"I'm sorry," was the only thing I could say, confused about what I was feeling. _

_She mumbled something incoherent in my vest and lifted her arms tentatively up to grasp my vest on the back. _

"I'm sorry."

This time it was Sakura who said those words. I stared at the back of her head about to open my mouth to ask her for what.

"I know since Sasuke has come back I haven't bothered to look you up. But you were the one I thought who understood me."

Putting my hands deep into the pockets of my denims I looked over her shoulder into the crowd of the dancing people. I didn't know what to say, but knew that whatever I would say would only hurt her and worsen the situation. But I knew that she was wrong too. She was wrong about me understanding her, because I didn't. Why didn't she look me up if she cared so much about me?

The hard yelling music was suddenly replaced by a slower, somewhat emotional song. I, who'd never paid attention to lyrics, found myself listening to them.

_It's amazing how you knock me off my feet, hmm  
Everytime you come around me I get weak, oh yeah  
Nobody ever made me feel this way, oh  
You kiss my lips and then you take my breath away  
So I wanna know_

_I wanna know what turns you on  
So I can be all that and more  
I'd like to know what makes you cry  
So I can be the one who always makes you smile_

I somehow recognized my own feelings in this song. That's why I didn't want to listen to them, block them out, and still I listened carefully to every word. My eyes at the back of her head.

_Girl he never understood what you were worth, hmm no  
And he never took the time to make it work  
You deserve more loving, girl  
Baby I'm the kind of man who shows concern, yes I do, oh  
Anyway that I can please you let me learn  
So I wanna know_

_Tell me what I gotta do to please you  
Baby anything you say I'll do  
Cause I only wanna make you happy  
From the bottom of my heart, it's true_

_I wish that I could take a journey through your mind, alright  
And find emotions that you always try to hide babe, oh  
I do believe that there's a love you wanna share, oh, oh  
I'll take good care of you lady, have no fear, oh  
So I wanna know_

I was relieved that the song had ended. It's was only causing to bubble more emotions to the surface.

"Why do you always act like you don't care?"

She turned to confront me, much to my exasperation.

"It's not necessary to show how you feel." I looked into her eyes finding myself drowning in the depths of those two jade diamonds, so I quickly moved my gaze to a point behind her head. "It's a weakness – love and affection – better to hide them than exhibit them."

"Does that even apply to close friends?"

Questioning she peered at me. She was so full of innocence that she left me amazed and startled about her. She was so innocent that she even didn't know what I felt for her.

"Some feelings are better to remain untold, Sakura, you should know that," I spoke lazily while my eyes were roaming her beautiful face before brusquely moving to something else.

'Get her out of your mind. She's now Sasuke's. Definitely.'

"I'm sure you'll understand that one day."

I saw her biting her under lip. Vaguely I imagined myself biting those full, pink lips and wondered how they would taste like.

'Bad train of thoughts, Kakashi, think of something else… like Anko.'

"I need to know it now," she said firmly, all uncertainty fade out of her countenance and voice.

I sighed.

"I think I should leave now. You're just imagining things, Sakura."

"But I'm not imagining that you didn't bother to congratulate me or Sasuke."

She sounded hurt. I felt bad – really bad – for making her. Drown in my own misery I hadn't realized that I was hurting her, too.

"You know I forget a lot of things…" I began unconvincingly.

"As you have forgotten that you have a heart?" she said sardonically.

I let out a hollow, humourless laugh.

'I wish I could forget, Sakura.'

Somewhat bemused she stared at me. I couldn't blame her for not comprehending me, because often I didn't understand myself too.

"Well, congratulations with your engagement with Sasuke. I hope you two will have a beautiful life together," I said honestly.

Timidly she averted her eyes from me; I'd no idea about what she was thinking. But it had to do with Sasuke for sure.

I felt a twinge of jealousy, but tried to suppress it in vain. I needed to touch her, for the last time, so I reached my arm out with the intention of patting her on her head. But instead – to my own astonishment – I let my hand caress her cheek. It was warm and soft making me wonder how it would feel under my lips.

She seemed to tense a little under my touch, but relaxed afterwards.

"Why don't you get married or have at least a girl friend?" she looked up to me with her green, sparkling orbits.

"Because."

She knit her eye brows together, not appreciating my answer. Suddenly I saw her eyes widen, something downing on her. With unbelief she stared at me and realised that she knew. My answer and caress had unfortunately given me away.

She retreated a step, my hand losing the warmth of her cheek, arm falling to my side. Calmly I peered at her, bracing myself for everything that I'd done and felt. But instead she turned around, confused, about to walk away wordlessly, but halted.

She turned her head a little, but not enough to see me but to whisper over her shoulder.

"If you'd told it me sooner then things could've been different."

My brows furrowed not comprehending – not _wanting_ to comprehend the meaning of her words. Sakura turned to look at me. I didn't hear her but could see her pink lips forming two words.

"Only if."

Then she was gone, swallowed by the crowd, leaving me behind.

I didn't feel anything to my surprise, only hollow.

_"If you'd told it me sooner then things could've been different." _

Anko gave me fortunately no time to muse about her words. Soon after Sakura had left she emerged to keep me company. I intended to drink more and grasped another glass, but Anko took it from me.

"You've had more than enough, honey. You need something else now."

Anything, anything. I needed to forget her, forget my feelings, forget her words.

_"Only if."_

I had only to close my eyes and she would appear again in my vision with that sad look she gave me when saying those heartbreaking words.

When I and Anko started our trip to her apartment, I realized how drunk I truly was. I wobbled on my legs but refused her assistance. She led me to her apartment since it was the first time I was visiting her.

After the door of her apartment closed behind us, I felt her breathing in my neck and her thin, long fingers were creeping up from my side to my chest.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this, Kakashi."

I was drunk, but not too drunk to not be able to have sex. In the dark I ripped my mask off – Sakura's face still haunting my thoughts – turned, and let our lips crash against each other. While we were kissing fiercely I discarded our clothes in no time. I felt the rush of adrenalin inside me as I led her to her bed.

I let myself drown in her young body, her warmth, her moans, not wanting to think about _her_.

Anko was writhing beneath me as I sucked on her breasts and explored her womanhood with my fingers. But this was not enough to forget Sakura. I'd to be inside her to feel white pleasure and forget, even if it was just for a few moments. With her hands Anko guided me to her entrance and I was grateful for her letting me take her, though I knew that she wanted me too.

'But Sakura doesn't want me.'

So I slammed my body against her tearing cries from her kiss-swollen lips. She came three times before I came finally, enjoying the moment I could forget _her._

Exhausted I fell on top of Anko feeling her fingers raking through my damp hair and hearing my own heartbeat gradually slowing down to his normal pace. I pulled out of her and laid myself next to her after having covered us both with a thin blanket.

Cradling in my arms I closed my eyes, only to see her face again.

_Sakura._


End file.
